The main narratives

The main narratives

Here’s a list of the main narratives that commonly shape people’s lives. These narratives are often rooted in deeply held beliefs, cultural conditioning, personal experiences, and societal expectations. They can influence decisions, emotions, and perceptions, and when unexamined, they can perpetuate suffering.

1. Self-Worth Narratives

  • “I’m not good enough.”
  • “I need to prove my value to others.”
  • “I’ll be happy when I achieve success.”
  • “There’s something wrong with me.”
  • “I’m only worthy if others approve of me.”

2. Relationship Narratives

  • “I need someone else to complete me.”
  • “People always leave me or let me down.”
  • “I must make everyone happy.”
  • “I’ll never find true love.”
  • “Conflict means the relationship is failing.”

3. Achievement and Success Narratives

  • “I have to work hard to be successful.”
  • “Success is the key to happiness.”
  • “If I fail, I’m a failure.”
  • “I need to compete with others to get ahead.”
  • “My worth depends on how much I accomplish.”

4. Control Narratives

  • “I need to control everything to feel safe.”
  • “If I let go, things will fall apart.”
  • “I should always know what’s going to happen next.”
  • “Life is only good when everything goes as planned.”

5. Pain and Suffering Narratives

  • “Life is unfair.”
  • “Bad things always happen to me.”
  • “I’m broken because of my past.”
  • “I have to avoid pain at all costs.”
  • “I’ll never recover from this.”

6. Social and Cultural Narratives

  • “I need to fit in to be accepted.”
  • “I must meet society’s standards of success and beauty.”
  • “I’m defined by my cultural background or social identity.”
  • “I should live my life the way others expect me to.”
  • “I can’t change because that’s how I’ve always been.”

7. Scarcity Narratives

  • “There’s never enough time, money, or resources.”
  • “I’ll never have what I need.”
  • “If someone else wins, I lose.”
  • “I need to hold onto everything I have to feel secure.”

8. Fear and Anxiety Narratives

  • “The worst–case scenario will happen.”
  • “I can’t handle what’s coming.”
  • “The world is a dangerous place.”
  • “I need to prepare for every possible problem.”
  • “I’ll fail if I take risks.”

9. Identity Narratives

  • “This is just who I am, and I can’t change.”
  • “I’m defined by my past experiences.”
  • “I’m a (role/job/title), and that’s all I am.”
  • “I have to live up to my family’s expectations.”
  • “My identity is tied to how others see me.”

10. Time Narratives

  • “I wasted my best years.”
  • “The future will fix everything.”
  • “I’ll be happy when I achieve X.”
  • “It’s too late for me to change.”
  • “I don’t have enough time to enjoy life.”

11. Freedom and Independence Narratives

  • “I must be completely self–reliant.”
  • “Asking for help is a sign of weakness.”
  • “If I commit to something, I’ll lose my freedom.”
  • “No one else can understand me.”

12. Comparison Narratives

  • “Everyone else has it better than me.”
  • “I need to keep up with others to feel successful.”
  • “Other people are judging me all the time.”
  • “I’ll never be as good as them.”

13. Spiritual and Existential Narratives

  • “I’m not spiritual enough.”
  • “There’s no meaning or purpose to life.”
  • “I need to be perfect to grow spiritually.”
  • “Enlightenment is something extraordinary I need to achieve.”
  • “Suffering is inevitable and can’t be escaped.”

How These Narratives Shape Lives

These narratives often operate unconsciously, influencing:

  • Choices: Decisions may align with the desire to validate or avoid these narratives.
  • Emotions: Beliefs tied to these narratives can generate feelings like guilt, shame, or anxiety.
  • Relationships: Interactions with others are shaped by stories about self-worth, trust, and expectations.

Steps to Examine and Loosen Narratives

  1. Notice the Narrative:
    • Ask: “What story am I telling myself right now?”
  2. Question Its Truth:
    • Ask: “Is this really true? Or is this just a thought or belief?”
  3. Reframe, Let It Go or loosen the grip:
    • Replace: “I’m not good enough” with “I’m enough as I am.”
    • Acknowledge: “This is just a story in my mind. I don’t have to believe it.”
    • Narrative itself isn’t bad; in fact, it can be very useful. Loosen your grip on it and use it as a tool.
  4. Return to Direct Experience: