Loosening the grip on narratives

Loosening the grip on narratives

“Setting aside” narratives in practical terms doesn’t mean permanently discarding them, as we might let go of a helium balloon. Narratives are indeed necessary for us to function in the world—they help us communicate, plan, and navigate daily life. Instead of entirely abandoning narratives, setting aside can be more accurately understood as loosening our grip on them, holding them lightly and with awareness. Here’s a practical explanation:

What Does “Setting Aside” Mean?

  • Not Absolute Letting Go: It doesn’t mean erasing narratives or permanently rejecting them.
  • Loosening Identification: It means recognizing narratives as mental constructs rather than absolute truths and not identifying with them as “who I am.”
  • Contextual Use: Narratives are treated as tools—useful in specific contexts but not essential for your sense of self or peace.

Analogy: Think of narratives as tools in a toolbox. You take them out when needed (e.g., for planning or communication) and put them back when they’ve served their purpose. You don’t carry the toolbox everywhere.

Why Loosen the Grip on Narratives?

  • Narratives become problematic when we cling to them tightly, mistaking them for reality or allowing them to dominate our emotional and mental states.
  • Tight Grip: Leads to rigidity, stress, and suffering.
  • Loose Grip: Allows flexibility, creativity, and peace.

Example:

  • Tight Grip: “I must succeed, or I’ll be a failure.” This creates stress and fear of mistakes.
  • Loose Grip: “I aim to do my best, but my worth isn’t tied to this outcome.” This allows effort without self-imposed pressure.

Practical Steps to Loosen the Grip

Here’s how to practically “set aside” narratives without entirely letting go:

Step 1: Recognize the Narrative

  • Notice when a narrative arises, such as “This shouldn’t be happening” or “I’m not good enough.”
  • Acknowledge it as a mental construct, not an inherent truth.

Step 2: Pause and Observe

  • Take a moment to observe the thoughts and emotions associated with the narrative.
  • Ask yourself:
    • “Is this narrative serving me right now?”
    • “What happens if I don’t believe this thought?”

Step 3: Loosen Your Grip

  • Hold the narrative lightly, understanding it is just one perspective, not the entirety of reality.
  • Remind yourself: “This is a thought, not a fact.”

Step 4: Shift Focus

  • Redirect your attention to the present moment—what you’re seeing, hearing, feeling, or doing—without attaching a narrative to it.
  • For example, instead of “This is a terrible day,” focus on the sensations of your breath or the task at hand.

Step 5: Use Narratives Mindfully

  • When narratives are needed for practical purposes (e.g., planning or explaining), engage with them intentionally and let them go when no longer useful.
  • Avoid over-identifying with them, especially self-referential ones like “I always fail” or “I must control everything.”

The Balance Between Functionality and Freedom

  • Narratives are necessary for functioning in the world, but they are tools, not masters.
  • By loosening your grip, you can use narratives effectively without being trapped by them.

Example:

A sales assistant in a bookshop might think:

  • Tight Grip: “If I don’t satisfy this customer perfectly, I’ll fail as an employee.” (Stressful and self-critical.)
  • Loose Grip: “I’ll do my best to help this customer, knowing my effort is enough.” (Calm and proactive.)

Key Distinction: Attachment vs. Use

  • Attachment to Narratives: Creates suffering because we mistake them for reality or tie our self-worth to them.
  • Using Narratives: Allows us to navigate life practically while staying connected to the deeper awareness beneath them.

Analogy:

Holding a cup of hot tea:

  • Tight Grip: Burns your hand.
  • Loose Grip: Allows you to enjoy the tea without harm.

Summary

“Setting aside” narratives means:

  • Recognizing them as temporary, functional tools rather than ultimate truths.
  • Letting go of tight identification and attachment to them.
  • Holding them lightly, engaging with them when needed, and stepping back into presence when they’re no longer serving you.

This approach creates a balance where you can function effectively in the world while staying rooted in the calm and stillness of your true nature.